


camera shy

by kingmakr



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M, Manga Spoilers, Post-Volume 19, ash lives au, model and photographer au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 14:40:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16139348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingmakr/pseuds/kingmakr
Summary: Life without guns and violence was supposed to be easy, but perhaps normalcy had its struggles too.Ash decides to take up modeling to earn a little money. As a photographer, Eiji helps him.





	camera shy

With his IQ and his streets smarts, Eiji was certain Ash could do anything he wanted to do. Doctors and professors alike would be clamoring to work with him once they catch wind of his brilliant mind, and those possibilities didn't even take into account his physical strength. At nineteen and barely entering the peak of his youth, Ash could do anything from menial to manual labor. He could take up a sport if he wanted and become a star overnight. He didn't have any injuries that held him back -- he had stamina and crazy endurance to keep on going. The world, for once, was at Ash Lynx's feet. And he could, _for once_ , pick and choose the kind of life he was going to live with Eiji. 

"I think I want to go to college," the American mentioned-- quietly and in the middle of the train ride from Tokyo to Izumo. Eiji was falling asleep on his shoulder until that idea jolted him awake. "Maybe study English Literature -- become a journalist like the old man," he knew that fondly meant Max Lobo. "Or a writer like Griffin always wanted to be..." That too was spoken with fondness and a little bit of ache. 

"I love that idea," Eiji confessed with a wide smile growing on his mouth. "You're smart -- if you study Japanese hard enough, I'm sure you'll be able to apply. All the universities will be dying to have you join them." The older gave a contented hum and reclined back on his seat. His head rested on Ash's shoulder and eyes closed to sleep, but he still had a dreamy grin locked on his lips.

"If you go to college, I'll go back as well." He promised --excited, he justifies, excited for what is to come for them.

Of course, getting Eiji back to college was easy. His parents forced him to return to his studies once he readjusted to life back in Japan, and he had very little place to argue. Getting Ash to college, however, was harder than Eiji anticipated. For one, he didn't exactly finish high school ( how does one write ' _homeschooled by a leader of a crime syndicate and my abuser_ ' on an application sheet? ) and he didn't have the proper documents needed to apply.

They both agreed they'd get fake ones -- a.k.a the same route Ash took in order to escape the U.S with a new identity, a new life. They called Alex one more time to play middleman and asked him to get more fake papers. Eiji clenched his teeth at such an idea, and if he looked carefully, so did Ash. Here they were starting clean by marring their fresh start; great, _wonderful_ , but it was the only way. The only way to be able to get the world at Ash Lynx's feet. 

Once, the documents were taken cared of, the money problem came to play. Not only for college, but for rent and utilities. Though Eiji insisted that Ash only needed to save up and pay for college, the other hated the idea of freeloading off of the Okumuras' kindness.

"It isn't easy for them to put a roof over my head -- much more have another mouth to feed! And I just keep taking and taking without giving anything in return!" 

"They care about you, Ash! They know you're still adjusting to life here and want you to get your feet on the gr--" 

"I'm tired of adjust to life here, Eiji!" _Embarrassed._ While he didn't say it, Eiji could hear that Ash was embarrassed he wasn't praying a price. Maybe Ash had adjusted to life in Japan after all -- he can read and write in the local language, speak in it even despite his obvious accent. He memorized Izumo's landscape; how to get to the library or to the ocean. However, he yet to adjust to the fact someone could love him without asking for anything in return. 

Silence filled the room. Eiji pressed his lips together, getting tired of this old argument, this same old song and dance; Ash massaged the bridge of his nose. 

"Let me...Let me at least pay for rent."

" _No._ " 

They argued over this many times over until Eiji finally let Ash cover his education as well as rent. He worked two odd jobs ( and more ) here and there, looking constantly at the newspaper for any other openings and offers ( grocery store cashier on Mondays; English tutor on Wednesdays ). It kept Ash busy -- happy, even, as he was no longer restless to do something, to prove something. However sometimes, two odd jobs ( or more ) didn't pay enough. 

"Maybe you should try modeling," the Japanese mentioned -- quietly, jokingly, in the middle of the night. He held his lynx who was unable to pay off another student account. He bowed his head in shame as he asked Mrs. Okumura to borrow some money. Eiji could feel the exhaustion  in Ash's bones -- the work load of working more or less 3 jobs, studying for classes, and feeling like he wasn't doing enough ( making enough ) sat heavy on his shoulders. Life without guns and violence was supposed to be easy, but perhaps normalcy had its struggles too. 

"I just thought it'd be an easier sort of side job since you'd just be posing. Besides, you've got plenty of practice from me."

"Don't discredit models, Eiji," Ash whispered softly onto the plain of the other's skin. "Plus, you snap the picture before anyone can even pose. The next thing I know, you're asking me if you can use my pictures in an exhibit of yours."

"I think you'll be a hit in Japan. Teenage girls will have posters of you up on their wall, and parents will be wondering who this blond, green-eyed American boy is. Bigger endorsements, bigger money too." 

There wasn't an immediate response after that daydreamy spiel, and Eiji could only assume that Ash too took it as a joke. That he would rather rest his tired body than hear any more about modeling and working. The dark haired boy began to close his eyes, to sleep, to dream. That is, until, Ash began to burrow closer to him -- face pressed onto Eiji's chest, he took a heavy breath in.

"What if...What if they make me do things...? Like make take my clothes off or... _or--_ "

Instinct told told Eiji to hold on to Ash, to stay even just for now ( though he promised him a forever ). He hushed the thought away and ran his fingers through his hair. 

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Not taking your clothes off. Not even modeling. I won't let them."

He could never shield him the way Ash physically protected him, but this -- holding him together -- was something he could do. Eiji regretted bringing such a topic up; insensitive, he thought, of Ash's past and how he wanted to start a new. He remembered how they first met, how the latter allowed photos but not of his face; he remembered how long it had taken for Ash to grow comfortable with a camera,  and how long it took for him to be comfortable with Eiji taking intimate snapshots. Then again, those photos were for them only; Eiji was always too selfish to let the world see the Ash he knew. _'This is mine,'_ he thought, keeping another photo of Ash to himself, _'this is ours.'_ And maybe that's how it should be, least he wanted Ash to remember a past of objectification ( _"See you later, movie star"_ \-- God, Eiji was going to be sick. ). No, that life was over. And it should have never happened in the first place.

Yet after a month of leaving it alone, Ash reproached the modeling idea. He didn't give much exposition as to why he wanted it; he simply tugged on Eiji's sleeve and asked for help with taking some headshots. "For an open call," he said and left it that. Eyebrows furrowed and with a flurry of protests, Eiji began to remind him that he didn't need to do this -- _not if you don't want to! You're working hard enough as it is, and--and the modeling thing was just a joke!_

Ash simply smiled ( softly, gently ), kissed him, and made one request: "Just make me a hit, photographer." And Eiji understood what he meant. 

He will be fine. They will be fine. 

They asked Ibe if they could borrow his studio for an afternoon but don't tell him why. When he offered to help with the shoot's set up, Eiji turned him down as he planed to make it simple: a white backdrop with delicate lighting, there is a stool sitting in the middle of the empty space as well as the morning newspaper, which he stole from the household. When Ash asked what he should wear, he too kept it simple : "That light blue button down of yours that's a size too big. And pants -- any pants really. Could even been those pants that are way too low for you." 

Despite the pout and huff he gave at the jab on his clothes, that is what Ash wore to their shoot. Yet when he walked in with his hands in his pockets, the photographer noticed how stiff his muse looked -- eyes cast down, guarded and wary. "What do you want me to do?" the lynx asked, looking for direction. The photographer took the newspaper and handed it to the model then gestured to the stool in the center. There, he directed, sit there. 

"Sit on that stool and read the newspaper." 

Ash raised an eyebrow. "Just that?" 

"Just that." A snapshot. He caught a moment of Ash in the midst of unrolling the newspaper, still confused at what to do, a meek expression. That was rare, Eiji thought, as his face was naturally intense. He wondered if he captured it well. 

"We'll get to the actual headshots later.I want to show them how effortless your beauty is."

"S-shut up."

Eiji laughed and took another shot. He tries to get the pink of Ash's cheeks and the fluster on his face. It was at least going to be a memorable photo to keep if not to send off to agencies and companies. 

It had taken a while for Ash to get comfortable with the camera -- to forget he was supposed to work with it instead of against it. There was a rigidness, a self-consciousness that refused to leave him sooner than later. When the shutter noise from Eiji's camera practically became their background music, Ash began to relax slowly, bit by bit. He was focussing on reading the newspaper instead, but Eiji could tell he was still mindful of his body. Careful not to hide away, to create alluring shapes with his body.

Eiji wanted to capture them all. The yellow in his hair, the green his eyes. He prayed that the photos would develop to show all the colors in their fullness. The lines of his limbs, the contours of his face. He was trying to find a way to frame them all. 

Yet amidst taking on the role of photographer, Eiji failed to notice how Ash seemed to forget he was there. His eyes narrowed into slits -- brows turned in deep concentration. Eiji knew that expression. He saw it often in New York, back when Ash's focus was devoted to planning gun fights and guerrilla wars, but most of all, he planned how to survive. Now, he gave his attention to translating Japanese characters into viable English words, to chasing after professors' deadlines, and getting his latest paycheck. Equally stressing, Eiji liked to humor, but it was a welcomed change from the life Ash Lynx once lived. 

 _Once lived --_ that was the key word. Yet even in normalcy and behind a camera's lens, Ash still had the same intense expression that drew people in. The same unspoken charisma that made people listen and ultimately follow. The same _'danger: do not enter'_ eyes that dared you to take a look inside. Maybe this is what invited Eiji to him; maybe it's what asked him to stay.

 A snapshot. Ash was now sitting with one legged propped onto the other. He leaned back slightly on the stool, creating a long silhouette with his body. His farsightedness had gotten worse as he began to read on trains and even in the dark. Still, his focus was still true -- as if all interest in the world were on those newspapers' pages. Like he was keeping something in and away from the rest of the world.Like he had a secret.

Ash, Eiji figured, was an enigma. And that's what's going to make him a hit. 

"What does the newspaper say?" The photographer finally caved and inquired. 

"Some birds are migrating back to Izumo." The model said. He faked the nonchalance in his voice until he turned to the next page -- then, a smile that was almost wicked appeared. "The library's also getting a new set of computers. About _goddamn_ time." 

Another expression. Another snapshot. It happened for just a moment, but Eiji was certain he got the curl of Ash's lips -- that self-satisfied grin -- on camera. He scoffed at the other's arrogance and shook his head. What did he expect? Izumo was a small town compared to his bustling Manhattan. But if there was one thing that was the same, it was the fact Ash loved those damned libraries and found his solace there. He even volunteered to work every other Saturday ( though he confessed his masterplan was to get the staff to hire him for a job by next year ), and claimed that if Griffin could see him now, he'd be jealous. Surrounded by books, studying all the authors and poets for college, writing until his hands threatened to fall off. Griffin would have loved it all, and he reveled in it. 

It was in these little things Ash found a reason to smile -- libraries and books, hotdog stalls and walks to the beach, no natto or pumpkins for dinner or lunch. These were the things that disrupted that intense stare of his, that heavy-handed look in his eyes. These were the things that made him seem -- _you know_ \-- like he was nineteen. Like he had the world at his feet rather than on his shoulders. _This,_ Eiji thought, this smiling boy right before him, the one that came in intervals and flashes -- this is the Ash Lynx Eiji knew. This is the Ash Eiji fell in love with -- the Ash he wished the world could know.

"Eiji, are you still taking pictures?"

The photographer blinked and realized the silence in the studio. The shutter sound of his camera had gone away and he was quite frankly just staring at his muse now. "Y-yeah...How about we get some actual headshots." He could feel flush as the heat rushed to his cheeks -- embarrassed at being caught in the act. Ash thankfully did not comment on it; he only got off the stool and shoved his hands into his pockets once more. There was a casual slack to his body, and there he was again -- his muse without direction. 

"What do you want me to do?" The model asked, trying to navigate his own way through headshots. Eiji began to think how to go out about this -- how to frame this, how to angle it. Should he keep it try to keep generic; simply snap an image of Ash's face. Or did he want to photograph it differently -- something to catch the employer's eye. How to frame this, how to angle it; how to capture the yellow of his hair, the green in his eyes, the lines of his limbs, the contours of his face. How did he want to capture Ash Lynx? 

 _Then --_ he got it.

"Smile." He directed. 

"Smile ?" Ash asked. 

Eye looking through the viewfinder, fingers ready for another snapshot. He directed once again : **_"Smile."_**

This is the Ash Eiji wanted the world to know.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on this description of River Phoenix I saw before where it said he's been sort of type casted as this ' tragic blond with a tragic secret ' type of character, and that description was so spot on for Ash. However, I wanted to write Eiji seeing something beyond that as his photos of Ash in ' New York Sense ' are so full of intimacy and joy.
> 
> I don't know anything about the college system or how college life works in Japan, and so I just based it off how I applied for university and how I'm (more or less) doing in college. I hope you liked it and pray the exposition didn't take away too much from the actual model and photographer AU was. It did feel a little dragged to me but I really wanted to give the context how this was a leap of faith for Ash, and Eiji was supporting him through that. 
> 
> Also before you ask -- Ash will be sticking to small time modeling gigs so as not to attract too much attention.


End file.
